Getting and Staying in Touch
Getting and Staying In Touch
by Walt Mueller
It took the Fonz to show me how hopelessly out of touch my mother was with the real world. You remember Happy Days don’t you? Barely into puberty ourselves, my brother and I squirmed with embarrassment while watching Fonzie help Richie Cunningham hide his first hickey from his parents. Our mom was in the room with us. Our nervous adolescent snickers turned to hysteria, however, when my mom naively asked, “What’s the big deal? Isn’t a hickey just a pimple?”
The chasm between adults and an apparently alien youth culture is very real. A few years ago, I was driving a van full of junior high students to a church function. While sitting at a stoplight, I noticed the older couple in the car next to us looking with curiosity and mild contempt at my cargo. A quick glance over my shoulder confirmed my suspicions. The kids were acting like kids. Granted, while their behavior could easily have been construed as immature, socially unacceptable, borderline criminal, and flat-out disgusting, they were really just being “normal.” While the woman shook her head in repulsion, her husband prepared to speed away from us as soon as the light turned green. I couldn’t resist. I rolled down my window, looked at the woman, shook my head with disgust while pointing back over my shoulder, and said, “Teenagers!”
Let’s be honest. Kids and their rapidly changing world are difficult to understand. Everything changes so quickly. The language changes. What was once “cool” became “hot.” What used to be “good” turned “bad.” If it was “for real,” then it was “bogus.” I remember the ultimate cut was to be called “a dope.” Then there was a time when even that became a compliment!
The world of music changes by the week. I used to listen to bands like
Yesterday’s heroes can’t even stand the test of time. Today, the only qualification for being a hero is not character or what you stand for, but how much of a celebrity you are. Basketball players, skinny supermodels, TV stars, and whoever happens to be on the Billboard Top 100 chart are often mentioned as heroes by today’s teens. Even celebrities on trial or convicted of heinous crimes are worshipped and idolized by kids as if nothing ever happened.
And how the styles change. A good gauge of how the fashion page has turned is to watch your teenagers laugh hysterically as they look through your high school yearbook! My kids see my graduation picture and use words like “gross”, “disgusting.”, “Dad, what were you thinking?”, and “Please don’t ever do that again!” I’ll admit, I look at it and wonder, “what in the world was I thinking?!?”
While we all share space on the same planet, the world of parents and adults is drastically different from the world of teens. Sadly, for many parents and teens, their daily encounters with each other go beyond what is natural and normal to become like my encounter at the stoplight. There are a few quick uncomfortable glances, the light turns green, and both parties continue down the road of life separate from each other. In the process, parents and their children can grow farther and farther apart.
I’m writing this as I celebrated 15 years of studying contemporary youth culture with the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding. I’ve seen lots of change during that time. In addition, the rate of change has accelerated dramatically. You can be sure that changes in youth culture over the last three years exceed the amount of change that took place during the previous ten years. I’ve even heard an 18-year old youth ministry volunteer who just graduated from high school himself last year, say that when he goes back to the campus he feels like he’s out of touch with today’s high school students - it’s changing that fast. Today’s teens are complex kids growing up in a frantic and fast-paced world.
When the cultural-generational gap widens, relationships become strained as parents and teens begin to find themselves unable to understand each other. As communication breaks down, parental influence decreases. Children and teens, longing for someone who will listen and understand, may look elsewhere for guidance, love, and understanding. Even Christian parents may be left reeling by the fact that their kids have bought into a set of values, attitudes, and behaviors contrary to Mom and Dad’s. Two of my four children have already graduated from high school. As a parent who strives to be a loving and conscientious Christian parent, I can say without hesitation that the world of today’s youth culture will affect every young person, even those who have grown up in Christian homes.
Certainly there are many teens who fare well on the road to adulthood. But it is alarming to see an increasing number of kids adopting narrow self-serving values and ungodly attitudes. Our kids need parents who constantly work hard to stay in touch with youth culture so that they can guide them through the maze of growing up.
For the last 15 years I’ve been working hard to keep parents, youthworkers, pastors, educators, and other adults from getting hopelessly out of touch with the real world of our children and teens. I’m more convinced than I’ve ever been that if we hope to point them to the Cross, we must see our role as no different from any other cross-cultural missionary. We must know not only the message we have been called to communicate, but the unique world and language of the cross-cultural missions field (our teenagers!) we’ve been sent into.
As a cross-cultural missionary, how will you stay in touch with your teenager’s world? Let me encourage you to do what one theologian encouraged Christ’s followers to do on a daily basis. He said that every Christian should start their day with the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other. That way we can know what’s happening in the world and how we can both pray and speak God’s unchanging truth to meet that specific situation or need. For those of us raising children and teens, our “newspaper” is what our kids are reading, watching and listening to. In addition, you can use helpful websites from organizations like ours at the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding - www.cpyu.org - that are updated daily and loaded with a wealth of information and analysis on contemporary youth culture. . . . all from a Christian perspective.
Someone recently asked me what’s changed the most since I started studying youth culture 15 years ago. My answer was pretty simple: Youth culture’s changed quite a bit. But what’s changed the most is my conviction regarding the need for dads and moms to stay in touch with the world of their kids. I’m more convinced of that need now more than ever. We can either be hopelessly out of touch, or so in touch that we point them to the only One who gives lasting hope. I vote for the latter!
*Copyright CPYU.org - used with permission
